Fallout: Snowpocalypse

It's that time of year again folks. Time for the common folk to put on ten jackets, stomp there way to their cars, and then drive like crazy fucking maniacs to get where ever they go. Don't get me wrong snow sucks and I hate driving in it as much as the next person but I at least have the common decency to realize that the driving conditions are not the most ideal.

Here is the problem with the Pacific Northwest and the snow. Our snow is usually only about 3-4 inches but then something amazing happens, it gets warm again. This warmth causes the snow to do something that you may not be familiar with, it melts. Then it gets cold again because the sun goes down and guess what happens to the melting snow? It freezes.

This whole situation causes all sorts of trouble with getting into your car in the morning and people don't think they need so much extra time to unfreeze their doors. So they try to leave only a few minutes earlier then they are running late so they try to drive like they would on any other day when they are running late not realizing that the same thing that happened to the snow on their car happened to the snow on the road. This in turn causes them to skid. Since skidding is not a normal driving condition they try to over-correct and slam on the brakes. Their car flips. Catches on fire and BAM! 12 car pile-up.

Good news, there is no longer any ice or snow around the melting car and driving conditions seem really great as you inch by. Bad news, everyone in those 12 cars is either dead or slowing dying from flames or exposure. The firetrucks and police officers will do everything in their power to save as many lives as they can but they will only be successful with a few. After it is all over and the cars have been cleaned off the road and the dead have been claimed by their families we will ask ourselves how it happened. We will tell everyone to be more cautious while driving in the snow but that is not what we should be saying. We should be telling everyone to get up half an hour early and make sure they have plenty of time to get to work.

So children we now know that if you are to avoid something as horrible as this situation you should think twice before you cut someone off on an icy road. That's right I am talking to you White Cadillac.